I’m going to stab my gut, give me advice NOW!


I like the Gore
1. I’m not a person to become delusional, but I am unfortunately currently a bit...delusional, having hallucinations and OCD that triggers the hallucinations.
I am suicidal.
2. Everytime I take out the knife to stab myself I start to get OCD where I become delusional about my stomach. I either feel 0% pain, or the pain starts to accelerate towards an abnormal fake level which I KNOW is a hallucination of pain because it never felt that way when I was younger and touching the tip of a knife against my stomach.

so I made only some dents into my stomach out of fear of the following hallucinations:
1. pain removed
2. pain exaggerated

there is no in between!

please help me find the in-between.

Here is my plan:
1. Take out the knife
2. Stab myself with 2 stabs
3. Throw knife